Based on my personal experience with trauma, sometimes the things a person doesn't get to say about it, what they are holding in, are the worst. These are things that people tell them to just let go, or be the bigger person, or they feel ashamed and embarrassed by. The things that they want to say but just can’t say them out loud and get them out. These things are hard to come out when people tell them that they are going to be there for them but then make their own judgements from their perspectives about the situation and you never hear from them again. Of course, you are not going to reach out to them and talk about it. You just have to live with knowing their negativity of you or the situation they think has happened. In my trauma this has been the worst. Keeping all the negative feelings inside regarding the specifics. You keep it in because you feel like people don’t want to hear it, especially when it has been so long and you have supposedly moved on. The worst reason about keeping it in is because of the shame and blame you still feel regarding it. You keep it in to protect those who have hurt you because for some reason that feels okay rather than letting it out. The other insane thing is that you still tell those little lies that the people who put you through all this want you too, and you don’t even realize it until after you say it. Making situations seem so much better than it was, downplaying abuse or just lying about things that they would get upset with that nobody else even cares about. I am writing this to open this dialect. To stop the shame and blame that comes from someone else. That maybe, someday by getting this vague message about my own trauma out there, that someday I will be able to tell the details and be able to free myself from some of it. I know there are many of us dealing with these issues surrounding trauma so let’s start the dialogue. Let’s support instead of judge and shame. Let’s love and not judge. Most importantly for me, let’s get it out so we can move on and not feel the negative of our trauma every day of our life!
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